\t\t\t<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\t\t <\/p>\n \tRelated story \t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\tFacing Breast Cancer As a ‘Sandwich Generation’ Caregiver\t\t<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p><\/div>\n \t\t<\/a><\/p>\n<\/article>\n \t \n\tBut after a month on the medication, nothing had improved. One of Turner\u2019s coworkers was married to a doctor, who squeezed Turner in between appointments and noticed something hard in her right breast. A biopsy showed breast cancer<\/a>, and further imaging revealed it had metastasized to her lymph nodes and bones, leaving Turner with a diagnosis of stage 4 breast cancer<\/a>.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThat was pretty devastating,\u201d Turner remembers. \u201cI couldn\u2019t really fathom that this was actually happening to me and that so much of it had already spread through my body. All I was feeling was some back pain. I hadn\u2019t really noticed my breast being larger, and it didn\u2019t even cross my mind that it could be breast cancer \u2014 I was 37. So when I got my diagnosis, it was definitely life altering.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n \n\tAs a parent and particularly a single parent<\/a>, one of her main concerns was her son. How would she explain the diagnosis to an elementary-age child? How would she juggle childcare with chemotherapy treatments? How could she guide her son through a major life change while still allowing him to feel the safety and security every child deserves?\u00a0<\/p>\n \n\tBut what\u2019s surprised Turner most hasn\u2019t been the difficulties of parenting with stage 4 breast cancer.\u00a0Instead, it\u2019s been the ways in which her diagnosis has brought her and her son closer together, and allowed them to see each other\u2019s strength in new and remarkable ways.\u00a0<\/p>\n \n\tEarly on, Turner was \u201creally careful\u201d about how much she shared with her son. \u201cI didn\u2019t really want to use the \u2018C word.\u2019 I didn\u2019t want to scare him. Most people think of cancer and they think, \u2018OK, she\u2019s not going to make it.\u2019 And so I really wanted to be careful with my words with him,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n \n\tAnother way she tried to protect her son was by using a cold cap. They\u2019re insulated helmets worn during chemotherapy to narrow the scalp\u2019s blood vessels and minimize how much medication reaches the hair follicles, preventing chemo-induced hair loss. \u201cI thought, \u2018If I can just save my hair, maybe I can look like things are normal for him and soften the blow,\u2019\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \n\tBut after she started chemotherapy, her son noticed that the normally active Turner was in bed more than usual. \u201cHe was asking, \u2018Mom why are you so tired? Did you not sleep well last night?\u2019 I just remember saying, \u2018Oh honey, remember I got sick and that\u2019s why grandma and grandpa were here a lot? It\u2019s this disease called cancer, and it can be scary, but Mom has control over it and the doctors are really paying attention to it. But the medicine that\u2019s fighting it is making me tired,\u2019\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \n\tAfter 12 rounds of chemotherapy, there was no sign of active cancer cells in Turner\u2019s body. But she had a lingering worry: that the cancer had spread to her brain, something her oncologist had mentioned was possible. She\u2019d been asking for a brain scan, but her doctors kept putting her off, pointing to her lack of symptoms like headaches or blurred vision. But Turner was persistent, and eventually her oncologist helped her get a PET scan. Sure enough, she had four brain tumors.\u00a0<\/p>\n \n\tA two-hour round of radiation successfully treated the brain tumors, and today her condition remains stable, with oral chemotherapy and infusions every three weeks. But by then \u2014\u00a0about a year after her initial diagnosis \u2014\u00a0Turner had become more open with her son, especially when it came to explaining new limitations (like why she wasn\u2019t able to go skiing with him that winter) or symptoms. And \u201cYou could see just his brain working, trying to comprehend it,\u201d she says. \u201cI think he maybe grew up a little faster than most parents would want their child to. But he\u2019s learned so much.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n \n\tSome of the lessons Turner has noticed her son has taken from the experience are bittersweet: While she\u2019s often surprised and touched by her son\u2019s empathy, at the same time she wishes he didn\u2019t have to be so considerate. \u201cHe worries about my hands and feet, which really take a\u00a0beating with the chemo pills,\u201d Turner says. \u201cHe\u2019ll be like, \u2018Mom, remember you have to wear your gloves when you wash the dishes.’\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tSimilarly, he\u2019s learned self-sacrifice. \u201cWhen I can\u2019t take him somewhere because I have a doctor\u2019s appointment, he\u2019s very understanding,\u201d she explains. \u201cI really respect how he puts aside his own wants to be there for me, as much as I want him to be able to do whatever he wants.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tTurner works hard to make sure her son \u2014\u00a0who\u2019s now a preteen \u2014 has healthy outlets and sources of support outside of herself as well, including therapy<\/a>. She also makes it a point to model advocacy, something she views as extremely important, considering the role it played in her own diagnosis. \u201cIt\u2019s amazing how much you have to put forward for your own health care,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n![\"Hands](\"https:\/\/www.sheknows.com\/wp-content\/themes\/vip\/pmc-sheknows-2020\/assets\/public\/lazyload-fallback.gif\")
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\n<\/section>\n<\/p>\n\n\t\tGetting Comfortable With \u201cThe C Word\u201d\t<\/h2>\n
\n\t\tFinding a Shared Strength\t<\/h2>\n