Estimated reading time: 7 minutes Vaginismus is a condition in which an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor muscles makes sexual intercourse difficult or impossible. It is a type of dyspareunia (which is pelvic or vaginal pain associated with intercourse); however, dyspareunia specifically relates to sexual pain, whereas vaginismus can also impede the use of tampons or prevent your gynecologist from performing an internal vaginal examination. The impact on quality of life can be substantial, particularly if you are in active sexual relationships.  The taboo surrounding pelvic floor dysfunction can make it difficult to seek treatment due to embarrassment and lack of knowledge about the legitimacy of your condition. Working up the courage to speak to your GP can take time, and fear around having an examination may also deter you, introducing unnecessary delay in getting treatment. Vaginismus can leave you feeling helpless and isolated.   When you understand that the contraction of pelvic floor muscles is involuntary and know that it is outside your control, you may feel powerless. This site is all about helping you to empower yourself to overcome pelvic floor dysfunctions, including vaginismus, so in this article, we will explore some steps to help you overcome the condition. The Protective Nervous System If you have read our recent article asking the question if you should focus on length before strength with pelvic floor dysfunction, you will have learned that the management of both length and strength is governed by your nervous system. The nervous system utilizes both the musculoskeletal system and the connective tissue system to manage the balance of tension throughout your body. It is this balance of tension that dictates if you have hypertonicity (tightness) or hypotonicity (laxity). The nervous system’s primary function is to protect you to ensure your survival. The protective responses from the nervous system would prove very useful if you were being chased by a saber toothed tiger – your heart rate and blood pressure would be increased to quickly ship nutrients out to major muscle groups so you could run quickly away, you pupils would dilate to ensure you can take in as much light as possible allowing you to see more of the environment around you. Your digestion is slowed so all of your energy can be used to get you out of that dangerous situation. Autonomic Nervous System – PNS & SNS Indeed the survival of our species was insured by the ability of the human nervous system to elicit protective responses. Those protective responses are not just the “fight or flight” type responses to get you away from that saber toothed tiger. Your nervous system communicates with you continuously sending sensations to guide you towards survival. The feeling of hunger is your nervous system telling you to eat to survive. The feeling of being tired is your nervous system telling you to sleep. Pain is also a message from your nervous system, telling you to be careful. The nervous system really is amazing, but not without its flaws. Two Way Communication Unfortunately in it’s drive to protect us, the nervous system can also initiate unnecessary and unwelcome muscle contractions, such as those involved in vaginismus. Thankfully communication is not “one way”. We communicate with our nervous system through movement, actions and thoughts When you get a hunger signal from your nervous system and you eat – that is your message in response to that signal. When you work hard at the gym to grow your muscles, you are sending a message to your nervous system: you are saying “I need the strength to lift this heavy weight”. There is a constant back and forth of messages between you and the system that ensures your survival. Step 1 – Combat Negative Thinking Have you ever noticed a visceral response in your body when remembering a horrible event from your past? You nervous system cannot tell the difference between your thoughts and what is actually happening presently. This is important to know because of its implication – what you think can impact what physically manifests in your body. Changing negative thoughts you may hold towards yourself, your body, or sex and sexuality can send a positive “safety” messages to your nervous system encouraging it to let go. If you have been to your doctor to discuss vaginismus, they may have suggested Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which is a treatment often used to help with vaginismus.  I know when CBT was first recommended to me, I was offended as it felt as thought I was being blamed for my pelvic floor dysfunction. By understanding how my thoughts could impact what was happening physically, I was able to make my peace with this type of therapy and it helped me immensely.  The most simple form of CBT I have used is Byron Katie’s “the work”, which is a very effective way to address negative thought patterns. Step 2 – Vaginal Dilation If you suffer from vaginismus, you may well have heard of vaginal dilation using dilators or “trainers”. So many people get in touch to ask about dilators for “stretching” the vagina. When you use dilators, it’s not so much about “stretching” the tissues. It’s more about communicating safety to your nervous system. I believe that it matters where, when, how and with whom you use dilators as all of these can have an impact on whether or not you feel safe: Where – You should be in a place where you feel safe and comfortable. When – It should be at a time when you feel you will not be disturbed or under pressure to “hurry up”. How – Your body should be comfortable and supported, ensuring that your inner thigh muscles can relax. With Whom – Going solo is great, but it can also help to work on dilation with a loving trusted partner. Dilators can range in size from baby-finger width to the size of a large erection. If you struggle with the smallest dilation, you can

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission. We love our fancy, high-tech sex toys (hello, Sona 2!), but sometimes — for example, when you’re getting a little frisky in the kitchen — there’s just not enough time to run into your bedroom and unearth your favorite paddle or vibrator. This is where grabbing a homemade sex toy like a spatula or cucumber might come in handy. Using a household item for sexy things might feel a bit weird at first, but can also be a fun way to spice things up inside and outside of the bedroom, while also being cost-effective. “A big draw of household items is the budget aspect. Basically, we’re all trying to save money and most of us don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend on sex toys so if we can get creative and save, that’s a big win,” Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and sex expert at the LGBTQIA+ dating app, Taimi, tells SheKnows. “[Household items] can also be fun because often we use a household item rather spontaneously which can add some spice to your sex life. Plus, we’re getting really creative and essentially playing an erotic game with ourselves and our partners when we’re thinking about non-sexual items in a sexy way.” Related story 69 Sex Positions to Put on Your Bucket List Immediately Another benefit? When you use a regular, household item as a homemade sex toy, you’re injecting a little bit of passion into your everyday life. “Any time that object is seen or used outside of the bedroom, it will spark a memory of the shared sexual exploration,” sex coach Jenna Switzer tells SheKnows. “This is an epic way to keep the passion alive even during mundane daily chores.” How to Use Homemade Sex Toys Safely Before we go through the list, remember that safety and cleanliness are key! Prior to putting any foreign object in your body (including your vagina, mouth, anus, or anywhere else), it must be sanitized and ideally covered with a condom. Otherwise, it could cause irritation or abrasions (not at all sexy, folks). For good measure, get in the habit of cleansing anything you use sexually post-game too. And yes, you should also be cleaning sex toys (and keeping in mind that we have to say goodbye to every good vibe eventually.) “Our bodies’ natural bacterial balance can easily be thrown off by the foreign bacteria lodged in the crevices of toys or food,” Switzer says. “Be mindful that you clean items thoroughly with a non-scented soap and use condoms on any objects that you use for penetration.” Another bonus of using condoms, Switzer adds, is that they’ll reveal any hidden, sharp edges on the object. Some of the household sex toys we recommend here aren’t specifically designed for skin contact (think candles, vegetables, and ice). In those cases, “be very mindful about application and use,” Switzer says. “Gently test temperature items on a small area of skin to gauge sensitivity.” If you have any concerns about an object, run it by your ob/gyn (awkward conversation, we know, but better than an infection!) or skip it. Besides considering the safety and hygiene aspects of using homemade sex toys, ASTROGLIDE’S resident sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly notes that many of the suggestions below involve kinky play, so you’ll want to ensure you’re communicating before, during and after the interaction. “Discuss your desires and boundaries ahead of time. If you’re getting kinky, you may want to select a safe work or safe signal,” she tells SheKnows. “Safe words and safe signals are coded responses that allow you to clearly and immediately communicate your limits and needs.” For example, O’Reilly says, you can snap your fingers or raise your hands to indicate that you are feeling uncomfortable and want to stop. “Safe words and signals should be clearly defined and if you want to stop or have changed your mind about any activity, you shouldn’t hesitate to use yours with the expectation that your partner will respond immediately.” 22 Best Homemade Sex Toys Keeping that in mind, continue reading to check out some of our favorite homemade sex toys that, if used correctly (and safely), will give you a mind-blowing orgasm and leave you impressed with your own sexual ingenuity. Warning: you might not look at your spatula the same way again. A version of this story was originally published in August 2017. If You Want an Actual Vibrator … Image Credit: LELO Before we begin, LELO has a nice selection of premium products that are look chic, work amazing, and are editor-approved. One worth trying is the LELO Switch, which takes your average wand vibrator to the next level. It’s a double-sided wand vibrator that offers eternal stimulation for the clitoris on one end and internal vibrations for the G-spot on the other end. The vibrator comes in three colors: soft pink, aqua, and lilac. It’s easy to store and grab whenever you need. Best part, it’s on sale right now for $40 off. You can even use the code YESYOU for an etra 10% off. LELO Switch $167, was $209 T-Shirt Image Credit: Hanes To find out if being blindfolded is something that sexually excites you, Engle recommends starting with things you have lying around the house, like, for example, a cotton t-shirt. “Place it over your head and pull up the neck to just above your nose,” Engle explains. “The rest of the tee-shirt should be covering your eyes and forehead. See? A homemade blindfold just like that.” As for what to do after you’re blindfolded, Engle suggests having your partner kiss you all over your body or massage you with essential oils, too. “Your partner can use their hands to restrain you, if you’re comfortable with that. Pinning your hands above your head while they feel all over your body with their free-hand can be very

Puberty is a natural part of development, and it is when a child goes through physical, hormonal, emotional and mental changes to reach sexual maturity. These changes begin and end at different ages for each child, depending on their sex, race, and ethnicity, as well as environmental factors.  Today, we’re going to discuss the five different Tanner stages of puberty for both boys and girls.  For clarity, a boy refers to a child with testicles and a girl refers to a child with ovaries. What is Puberty? Puberty is your body’s natural way of physically becoming an adult. During this time, your major organs and body systems mature, and your body becomes capable of sexual reproduction.  It’s a biological process driven by hormonal changes that affect physical growth, emotional development, and sexual maturity.  But even though the fact that puberty makes you physically an adult, your brain continues to develop and mature into your mid-to-late 20s.  In Short, What Happens During Puberty? During puberty, a child’s body changes into an adult body. Their brain activates the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Gonadal (HPG) axis, which then tells the body to produce sex hormones, like testosterone in boys and estrogen in girls. After this, a child will go through a growth spurt, both in length and body size, their reproductive system will mature (girls will get their period, and sperm production starts in boys), secondary sexual characteristics develop (such as breasts, a deeper voice, and body hair), and there may be noticeable emotional and mood changes. In more detail, when it comes to puberty, there is something called the five Tanner stages. These are different for both girls and boys. What Are the Five Tanner Stages in Boys? Firstly, when does puberty usually begin in boys? Around ages 9-14, with full development typically completed by 16-18. This can vary though. Stage 1: Prepubertal At stage one, there are no visible signs of puberty yet, and the testicles, penis, and body hair are still childlike. Stage 2: Early Puberty At stage two, the testicles and scrotum begin to enlarge, the skin of the scrotum will start to thin and redden, and sparse, fine pubic hair will begin to grow at the base of the penis. Stage 3: Mid Puberty At stage three, the penis starts to lengthen, the testicles continue to grow, pubic hair becomes darker, coarser, and curlier, there may be early voice changes, and a growth spurt often starts. Stage 4: Late Puberty At stage four, the penis grows in both length and thickness, the scrotum and testicles are larger and darker, adult-type pubic hair is present, there is a noticeable deepening of the voice, and acne and body odour may start to appear. Stage 5: Full Maturity At stage five, the genitals reach adult size and shape, pubic hair spreads to the inner thighs, facial and chest hair may develop, the voice is fully deepened, and growth slows and eventually stops. What Are the Five Tanner Stages in Girls? When does puberty usually begin in girls? Around ages 8-13, with full development typically completed by 15-17. This can vary though. Stage 1: Prepubertal  At stage one, there is no breast development or pubic hair yet, and the ovaries and reproductive system are still immature. Stage 2: Early Puberty At stage two, breast buds appear (small, tender lumps under the nipples), the areola (the area around the nipple) begins to widen, and fine, soft pubic hair begins to grow. Stage 3: Mid Puberty At stage three, the breasts grow larger and begin to take shape, pubic hair becomes darker, coarser, and curlier, growth spurts often begin, and vaginal discharge may start. Stage 4: Late Puberty At stage four, the breasts are more developed, with the nipple and areola forming a raised mound, pubic hair is adult-like in texture, and menstruation usually begins.  Stage 5: Full Maturity At stage five, the breasts reach their adult size and shape, pubic hair spreads to the inner thighs, and the menstrual cycle becomes more regular over time. How Long Does Puberty Take? Puberty usually takes about 3 to 5 years from the first physical signs to full adult development, but this can vary from person to person. In fact, starting earlier or later can still be completely normal.  Important to remember though:  growth and emotional development can continue after physical changes end. What Affects the Timing of Puberty? There are a lot of things that can influence the timing of puberty. Things such as one’s biology, environment, and lifestyle play a big part, and for that reason, there’s not one single factor that controls it. Here are the main things that affect when puberty starts and how quickly it progresses: Genetics Your genes actually play the biggest role. If one’s parents (especially the mother) started puberty early or late, the chances that their child will follow the same pattern are high. Specific genes influence when the brain signals the body to begin puberty. Nutrition & Weight With the right and adequate nutrition, the body can reach the energy level needed to begin puberty. Undernutrition or an eating disorder however can delay puberty, as a severely low calorie intake may slow down development. If there are higher fat levels in girls, it may result in an early start of puberty.  Hormones Puberty will start when the brain, more specifically the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland, activates the reproductive system. If a child has any conditions that affect hormone production, such as a thyroid disorder or pituitary issues, this can speed up or delay puberty. Stress & Emotional Environment For some, early puberty is linked to those who face early life stress, early-life adversity. Physical Environment Those who have been exposed to endocrine-disrupting chemicals that are found in some plastics or pesticides may start puberty earlier. Physical Activity Some forms of high intensity training can delay puberty, especially in girls. Some activities include sports that emphasise low body weight, like gymnastics, ballet, or long distance running. What is Considered Early

Are you ready for the 30 Day Pelvic Floor Challenge? I’m so excited to share this. I get questions all the time about where to start and how to progress with Pelvic Floor Dysfunction (PFD). If you’ve been following the weekly Live Q&A sessions on YouTube, you may have noticed that a lot of the same questions get asked each week. When it comes to building strength in the pelvic floor, I like to use an eight phase approach. This challenge works on some of those phases to help you along on your empowerment journey. You can register to join the challenge on our new community where get access to bonus videos as well as a PDF with details on how to properly do a Kegel and how to check if your pelvic floor is ready for the challenge. Just click this link to jump to the sign-up page. Good Luck! If you are interested in more extensive training, you can now buy the book Empower Your Flower on Amazon which has a complete Eight-Phase training program. The Eight-Phase training is also available online which also gives you access to a premium area in our community and LIVE Q&A sessions on Zoom with Denise. Source link

In a relationship, what happens inside the bedroom influences what happens outside of it — and vice versa. While some lucky partners enjoy a thriving sex life no matter what’s going on in the outside world, many of us feel our libidos waxing and waning depending on work, finances, stress, kids, family life, the amount of sleep we’re getting… the list is endless. Over the course of a marriage or long relationship, it’s normal to go through periods of less-frequent sex, but what happens when those periods get longer… and longer… and finally seem like they might never end? When should you finally walk away from a sexless marriage? Related story If You’re Emotionally Exhausted From Your Relationship, It Might Be Marriage Burnout Let’s pause here and point out that there’s nothing necessarily “wrong” with not having sex in a partnership or marriage. “It is only a problem if it is a problem for your relationship,” therapist Lea Trageser, LMFT, of Helix Marriage and Family Therapy tells SheKnows. “Many couples might be in relationships that don’t have sex frequently or at all. That is OK as long as it is OK for them.” A sexless marriage can become a problem, though, when there’s a discrepancy in desire or one partner’s needs are going unmet. “The partner who wants sex in the relationship may start to feel lonely and insecure about themselves,” licensed marriage and family therapist Laurie Singer, MS, BCBA, tells SheKnows. Resentment and disconnection can follow. Research has also noted a connection between sex and mental health, with one 2019 study finding that “both being sexually active and more frequent sex were associated with better mental health.” All of which is to say: if you’re in a sexless marriage and don’t want to be, you might be wondering whether you should give up and walk away or stick it out and try to fix things. But how? What Is a Sexless Marriage? While exact definitions vary, a sexless marriage is typically defined as a marriage in which you and your partner are having sex no more than 10 times a year, Singer says. And as it turns out, sexless marriages are more common than you might think: a 2018 study found that over 15 percent of couples surveyed hadn’t had sex for the past year, and 13.5 percent hadn’t had sex for the past five years. This is more than just a dry spell — it’s a prolonged period without sex, also sometimes called a dead bedroom. “Over time relationships change, that is just a fact,” Singer says. “The secret is accepting the change and moving forward with each other, not away from each other.” A sexless marriage often (but not always!) points to the latter. 6 Causes of Sexless Marriage As any long-term couple can tell you, your libido can change a lot over the course of a marriage. “Life gets busy,” Singer points out. “Kids, jobs, and illnesses can lead partners to lose their sexual desire.” If you’re in a sexless relationship where the lack of sex is a problem, your dead bedroom is likely a symptom of a deeper issue. According to sex therapist Aliyah Moore, the root causes of a sexless marriage can include: Stress and a busy lifestyle: It’s not easy to balance work, family, chores, and other obligations. Now add to the mix the demands and energy required to keep up an active sex life. The weight of those burdens might be the cause of a couple’s lack of sex, Moore says. Communication issues: If you and your partner aren’t communicating well, and especially if you’re having arguments that you’re not fully resolving, you might start to feel emotionally distant and less up for intimacy. The “accumulation of feelings of resentment, anger or disappointment may be a barrier for couples to be physically close,” Moore says. Changes in relationship dynamics: “Couples may have some changes in attraction, intimacy, and desire for sexual connections,” Moore explains. Some lifestyle transitions, like aging or becoming parents, may naturally “reduce sexual desire and frequency,” she adds. Health concerns: Physical or mental health issues like chronic pain, fatigue, hormonal disorders, or mental disorders can have a big impact on your sex life, Moore says. In addition, some medications you may use to treat these conditions, such as anti-depressants, can also decrease your libido. Lack of spontaneity: It’s normal to fall into patterns and habits as a couple. When things get a little too repetitive in the bedroom, though, you might notice you’re having less sex due to simple boredom and monotony. Mismatched libidos: Many partners have different levels of desire. It’s certainly possible to keep up a thriving sex life when this is the case — many partners do — but it can be a challenge for some. Sex drive mismatch can cause “tension and frustration in the relationship,” Moore explains, as the partner who wants it more might feel inadequate or rejected. 4 Side Effects of a Sexless Marriage While some people might not mind (or might actually prefer) a sex-free marriage, for other couples, it can lead to a host of difficulties. “Intimacy and physical touch are part of who we are as humans and a necessity for so many of us,” Dr. Elisabeth Crain, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples counseling, tells SheKnows. Lacking that kind of physical connection can certainly impact a marriage negatively. “This isn’t to say that you can’t experience intimacy in other ways, but a lot of people connect through sex, especially women,” Dr. Crain says. Often, sex provides “closeness and emotional connectivity” for women; it tends to be more physical for men, who might “not be getting their physical needs met” in a sexless marriage (though of course, any gender can experience either of those effects). Other negative effects of a sexless marriage include: Emotional distance: Because sexual intimacy tends to strengthen emotional bonds, the lack of it may lead to couples feeling disconnected, Dr. Molly Burrets, a psychotherapist and

With 26 bones, 33 joints, over 100 muscles, tendons, and ligaments, and thousands of nerve endings, the human foot is undeniably one of the most complex structures in our body. It is also one of the most vital: our feet support our entire weight, keep us upright, and act as shock absorbers for every step we take. Yet, instead of protecting them, many women subject their feet to “impossible” shoes. Driven by societal pressures to meet an aesthetic ideal, we often sacrifice our health for fashion. The price? Potentially irreversible damage to our feet, musculoskeletal structure, and circulatory system. The statistics are telling: 80% of patients with foot problems are women, and 90% of these issues stem from the habitual use of stilettos, narrow-toed shoes, or non-breathable synthetic materials. Common Foot Injuries Caused by Improper Footwear 1. Calluses These are thickenings of the skin formed by dead cell accumulation due to constant pressure and friction. While often dismissed as a cosmetic issue, they can cause pain, fissures, and infections, eventually altering your gait and posture. 2. Bunions (Hallux Valgus) A bony deformity at the base of the big toe. Symptoms include inflammation and chronic pain. If left untreated, bunions can lead to secondary issues like bursitis, hammertoes, or metatarsalgia. 3. Bursitis This is the inflammation of the bursa—small fluid-filled sacs that cushion the joints. It results in swelling, stiffness, and sharp pain in the toes and feet. 4. Hammertoes and Claw Toes This deformity causes the toe joints to bend abnormally. Over time, this curvature becomes permanent, making walking difficult and painful. 5. Metatarsalgia Intense pain in the ball of the foot (the metatarsus). This area is crucial for impact absorption and weight distribution; when it fails, postural stability is compromised. 6. Morton’s Neuroma A thickening of the tissue around the digital nerve (usually between the third and fourth toes), causing a sensation of “walking on a marble,” sharp pain, or numbness. The Domino Effect: Postural and Muscular Alterations When standing barefoot, the ball of the foot supports about 43% of your weight, while the heel takes 57%. High heels flip this ratio dangerously. The physical consequences include: Shortened Calves: The Achilles tendon loses flexibility and the calf muscles contract. Joint Overload: Excess pressure shifts to the ankles and knees. Pelvic Tilt: To compensate for the forward lean, the quadriceps and hips are forced into an unnatural position. The Impact on the Core and Pelvic Floor Perhaps the most surprising consequence is the link between high heels and pelvic floor dysfunction. Constant heel use weakens the “core” and can lead to: Urinary incontinence Organ prolapse (bladder or uterus) Sexual dysfunction (such as anorgasmia) Circulatory Problems: Beyond the Surface Improper footwear disrupts the “muscle pump” of the legs, making it harder for blood to return to the heart. This leads to Venous Insufficiency, which affects women five times more often than men. Chronic Venous Disease: Symptoms include varicose veins, edema (swelling), and a heavy sensation in the legs. Phlebitis: Inflammation of a vein that can escalate into Thrombosis, a blood clot that increases the risk of heart attack or stroke. How to Choose the Right Shoes: The 4 Golden Rules Heel Height: The ideal height is between 3 and 5 cm (1.2 to 2 inches). Contrary to popular belief, completely flat shoes on hard surfaces can cause plantar fasciitis. However, walking barefoot on soft surfaces (sand or grass) is highly beneficial. Cushioning: Look for soles and midsoles that provide adequate shock absorption to protect your knees and back. Width and Length: Your toes should be able to move freely. Avoid narrow “pointy” shoes that crush the toes together. Material: Prioritize natural, breathable materials like leather, linen, or organic cotton. Avoid rigid synthetics. Expert Tips to Reduce Damage Pelvic Floor Training: Use Kegel exercises or biofeedback devices to regain muscle tone. Strengthen Your Core: Practice Yoga, Pilates, or swimming. Avoid high-impact sports if you already suffer from pelvic hypertonia. Foot Hygiene: Use specific podiatric creams to nourish the skin rather than harsh exfoliants that can leave the foot vulnerable to infection. Self-Massage: Massage your legs from the feet upward to the hips twice a day using a “cold effect” gel to stimulate circulation. Active Stretching: Regularly stretch your calves and Achilles tendons to counteract the shortening caused by heels. Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Movement The phrase “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” is often attributed to Marilyn Monroe. But “right” shouldn’t mean “painful.” From Sarah Jessica Parker, who admitted to permanent foot damage from years of wearing stilettos, to stars like Julia Roberts who have walked red carpets barefoot in protest, the tide is turning. Feminist icons like Germaine Greer have long labeled high heels as symbols of physical restriction. It’s time to rebel against footwear that destroys our health. Choose shoes that empower your movement, not shoes that hold you back. Choose the right shoes, and truly conquer the world. Source link

Are you ready to Empower Your Flower? I can hardly believe that the time has arrived to launch the book and video course! I am sure you are sitting thinking to yourself… “it feels like I have been waiting forever!” LOL!! Hopefully you will find that it was worth the long wait. The launch will be Live on YouTube on 26th October, and of course we will have a giveaway at the live event. If you have already registered your interest in the book, you will have received an email from me with your unique code for the raffle. If you have not yet registered, just sign up and I will send out your unique code before the event. Entry for the giveaway closes midnight on 25th so make sure to register before then. The Book Is Written in Three Parts: Part One covers the knowledge needed to identify patterns in the body, mind and life that contribute to pelvic floor dysfunction. This is the foundational knowledge needed to be able to change those patterns. Part Two begins with instructions on how to do a complete self assessment which is used to help with setting goals and to choose where to start with training. The training is an eight-phase program with each phase having modules for pelvic floor (strengthening and relaxation), breathing, movement, relaxation and mind/meditation. The video course is based on this part of the book. Part Three covers symptom management and life strategies to help you to manage your pelvic floor dysfunction while you work on your empowerment. It also details the non-surgical and surgical treatments available for conditions that fall under the PFD umbrella (including incontinence, overactive bladder, POP, Pelvic Pain, Dyspareunia and vaginismus). The book will be available on Amazon with versions in color, black & white and digital. There are lots of free materials that you can access on empoweryourflower.com if you buy the book. These include full color figures (useful if you buy the black and white copy), self assessment forms, sequence sheets for the exercises, phase checkpoint forms and audio meditations. I hope you can join me for the live event! Source link

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission. No shade at your tried-and-true sex positions—after all, hopefully, they’ve become faves for good reasons, like consistent climax and connection. The thing is, with so many pleasurable sexual configurations to try, there’s really no good reason not to branch out while you bone. Not to mention, trying new sex positions can help stoke the so-called sexual flames, keeping things hot-hot-hot even as the months and years go on. Of course, things like new sex toys (our personal favorite is LELO’s award-winning Enigma Double Sonic) can help heat things up too. There are plenty of ways to make sure that no two nights in are exactly the same, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner or two. Sometimes all it takes is a brand-spanking-new position to get the party started and to reignite some important conversations about what feels best in the act. (And remember, it’s okay if those things change or if you just want to test something out!) We also know you’re busy and probs don’t want to waste precious time researching impossible pretzel-like contortions. That’s why we asked queer sex educator and sex journalist Gabrielle Kassel to share the best sex positions for reigniting the spark, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner or two. Read on for a compilation of 69 (nice) sexpert-based sex positions we think you should try ASAP. A version of this story was originally published in July 2016.  Pin it! Image Credit: Adobe Stock/New Africa Pin now, try them out later!  Classic Sex Positions Modified Coital-Alignment Technique Image Credit: Ashley Britton/SheKnows Essentially an upgraded version of missionary, the Coital Alignment Technique position (aka CAT) is a face-to-face position that involves the penetrating partner moving up and down rather than in and out. For this elevated variation, the receiving partner lays on their back. Then, the penetrating partner enters from above.  The key word here? Above. The penetrating partner needs to shift their weight forward so that their penis or dildo presses all along the external vulva rather than going right for the glory holes.  Why It’s Great: Once in position, the penetrator should avoid thrusting and instead focus on moving their hips in circles. This simultaneously massages the internal erogenous zones in the vagina (like the G-spot) as well the clitoral glans. Meanwhile, the receiving partner should experiment with tilting their hips at various angles, as well as wrapping their legs around their lover’s back. Doggy Style Image Credit: Ashley Britton/SheKnows As far as rear-entry sex positions go, doggy style is top dog. For this classic, the receiving partner gets on all fours while the penetrating partner stands or kneels behind them and goes to town. From here, the receiving partner can ‘cat-cow’ their pelvis to facilitate pressure against their most sensitive hot-spots, while the penetrating partner can use their hands to grip, grab, or grope to their heart’s content.  Why It’s Great: On the physical front, the doggy style allows for easy to the G-spot (shallow penetration) or A-spot (deeper penetration), depending on the exact angle. Plus, the receiving partner is perfectly positioned to stimulate their clit with their hand or vibe. Meanwhile, emotionally and mentally, the bestial position can be arousing because it often feels more intense and less restrained.  Not to mention, there are a lot of modifications to give the giver and receiver something they’ll enjoy, such as anal doggy, flat doggy, and wheelbarrow. Pushing Tush Image Credit: Ashley Britton/SheKnows Butt-lovers rejoice! The Pushing Tush, sometimes known as rear-entry missionary, is a sex position that makes the back door the star of the show. You’ll assume the missionary position, but rather than the vagina being the point of entry, the anus will be.  To facilitate the angle of entry, the bottom partner should put a sex pillow under their hips. Alternatively, the bottom can plant their feet into the mattress and then actively tilt their hips up and press their spine into the ground, which will open the anal canal.  In case it needs to be said, lube is an absolute must here. The anal canal is never self-lubricating in the way the vagina often is. So, to reduce uncomfortable friction and facilitate that feel-good slide-and-glide, you’ll want to lather the insertive body part or toy with lubricant and use a lube shooter to coat the inner canal.  Why It’s Great: This is a solid choice if either partner has expressed interest in playing around with anal penetration in an intimate way. A suitable position for both anal with a penis and dildo (aka pegging), this face-to-face position allows the penetrating partner to read their partner’s facial cues for additional insight on comfort.  If both partners want to enjoy anal penetration at the same time, consider having the top partner plop in a vibrating butt plug or prostate massager ahead of entry. Rocking Horse Image Credit: Ashley Britton/SheKnows The Rocking Horse will become your new fave for G-spot stimulation and intimate eye-contact. In this position, the receiving partner sits between the penetrating partner’s legs, with the receiving partner’s legs just short of wrapped around them (but you can modify for that if you want to go full Koala!). Why It’s Great: With Rocking Horse, both partners rock into each other, which gives you a lot of room to control the depth of penetration while also holding each other super close. It can be as gentle or as sexy (or a combo of both!) as you like. Seated Scissors Image Credit: Ashley Britton/SheKnows Think of seated scissors as a play on reverse cowgirl — and we mean play, because this position is a fun one. The penetrating partner lies on their back with one leg bent while the receiving partner gets on top, straddling their bent leg and arranging their legs however feels comfortable. There’s plenty of support up top and lots of room for both partners to

Intimina study of 3,000 mothers reveals the complex reality of postpartum sexuality Giving birth is, for most women, the most significant and happiest event of their lives, marking the beginning of an extraordinary new chapter. However, to understand how women truly feel during the sensitive period, Intimina conducted an extensive survey of 3,000 women across the UK, France, and Spain who have given birth within the last 12 months. The findings show there is a significant “Desire Gap” and prove that while the body may heal, the journey back to one’s sexual self often follows a much longer, more personal timeline. The Reality of Postpartum Intimacy: 10 Key Insights The Identity Struggle The shift into motherhood often overshadows a woman’s sense of self. 24.5% of respondents feel like a “mother” first and a “sexual being” second. This feeling was most pronounced in Spain, where 27.9% of women struggled to switch between these roles. The Pressure of the Medical Milestone The “six-week green light” is often more stressful than helpful. While some found it reasonable, 17.4% of women felt pressured by this deadline, and 15.1% felt “broken” because they weren’t ready when the doctor said they could be. Intimina’s medical expert, Dr. Susanna Unsworth comments: “Postpartum recovery is often reduced to timelines, but in reality it is far more complex. The six week check is an important opportunity to assess how both mother and baby are recovering, not a signal that women should feel physically or emotionally ready to resume intimacy. Many are still navigating significant changes at this stage, including exhaustion, hormonal shifts, and a shift in identity as they adjust to motherhood.” Physical Barriers to Intimacy Returning to intimacy is often physically daunting. 34.3% of women cited extreme exhaustion as their primary barrier, while 31.4% dealt with physical discomfort like vaginal dryness, and 30.9% admitted to a literal fear of pain. The Hidden Burden of Guilt Guilt is a dominant force in the postpartum experience. 44.2% of women felt guilty for not wanting sex, while 40.7% felt guilty for prioritizing their own pleasure over the baby’s needs. France saw the highest levels of partner-related guilt at 47.5%. Honesty and “Performance” Couples often struggle to communicate about their changing sex lives. While 35.3% are completely honest, 20.9% of women admit they “perform” or fake interest to keep their partner happy.  Moments of Empowerment Despite the challenges, many women find new strength in their bodies. A significant 42.2% feel a new level of respect and awe for what their body has achieved, and 31.3% report that their orgasms have actually become more intense since giving birth. A New Approach to Connection Intimacy often evolves into something deeper and more exploratory. 34.7% of women see sex now as a way of “re-learning” their body, while 32.8% say it has become less about the “act” and more about feeling seen and appreciated. The Clinical Shift Hormonal changes can make intimacy feel less natural. 49.2% of women noted that physical changes made sex feel “clinical” rather than spontaneous. This was felt most strongly in the UK, where 54.3% of women reported this shift.  There is also a surprising “pleasure peak” for many. 31.3% of women reported that their orgasms have actually become more intense since giving birth. In the UK, this positive shift was reported by 32.4% of respondents. The Source of Pressure The drive to “bounce back” comes from multiple angles. 26.5% point to their partner’s expectations, while 23.2% blame the unrealistic standards set by social media influencers. The Path to Better Support Mothers know exactly what they need to thrive. 33.3% believe that more honest conversations with friends and other mothers would have changed their experience, and 37.3% noted that better access to pelvic floor therapy or intimacy products would have empowered their return to sexual health. “We hope to encourage a more open conversation around the ‘Silent Year’ of postpartum healing,” says Dunja Kokotović, Global Brand Manager for Intimina. “Our study of 3,000 women reflects a shared journey through the complexities of new motherhood. It is time to evolve past the standard six-week benchmark and prioritize a woman’s personal readiness instead. We want to empower mothers to listen to their bodies, knowing that the only ‘right’ timeline is the one that feels right for them.” “What is clear from this data is the need for a more compassionate and individualised approach to postpartum care. This includes better access to pelvic floor physiotherapy for all women, more open conversations about recovery and intimacy, and reassurance that there is no single ‘normal’ timeline when it comes to reconnecting with your body,” concludes Dr. Unsworth.   *The research was conducted by Censuswide, among a sample of 3,046 Postpartum women or women who have given birth in the last year in the UK, France, and Spain. The data was collected in March and April 2026. Censuswide is a member of the Market Research Society (MRS) and the British Polling Council (BPC), and a signatory of the Global Data Quality Pledge. We adhere to the MRS Code of Conduct and ESOMAR principles. Source link

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes In the first of our Let’s Talk About series on YouTube, we explore vaginismus. Vaginismus is a form of pelvic floor dysfunction that causes the pelvic floor to involuntarily contract when vaginal penetration is attempted. It can feel as though there is a wall blocking the entrance, which can strike fear into your heart as this is completely outside of your control. With between 5 and 17%1 of women being impacted by the condition, it is critical that we talk about it. In its primary form, vaginismus can prevent penetration when first using tampons or trying to insert a menstrual cup. It can also prevent penetrative sex. For this reason, primary vaginismus is generally discovered during puberty or in early adulthood. The secondary form of vaginismus can occur following childbirth, during menopause or following pelvic surgery or trauma. That trauma can be physical or chemical in nature (such as a bad fall, radiotherapy for cancer treatment or an infection). Lastly, there is a spontaneous form of the condition which can happen at any point in life. This spontaneous is the body’s natural defence mechanism if penetration is forced, but it can also occur when a tampon or vaginal weight is being used. In that instance, the pelvic floor involuntarily contracts preventing removal of the weight or tampon. This is not considered true vaginismus as it’s not a chronic condition and can generally be resolved without extended treatment. How Can You Tell if You Have Vaginismus? Many women mistakenly believe that the initial difficulties, discomfort and pain when first using tampons or trying penetrate sex is vaginismus. It is normal to have some discomfort and pain when you first attempt penetration but it typically resolves over time with practice. In the case of vaginismus, there is no progress even with repeated practice. This is highlighted in the following two graphs. The first shows how discomfort and pain are reduced under normal circumstances as penetration is practiced. Normal Response to Penetration The first shows how discomfort and pain are reduced under normal circumstances as penetration is practiced. Normal pain and discomfort with penetration (when starting out). Vaginismus Response to Penetration The second shows how, with vaginismus, there is no reduction in discomfort or pain, even with persistent practice. Vaginismus pain and discomfort with penetration (when starting out). Studies Into Vaginismus As with other forms of pelvic floor dysfunction, vaginismus isn’t widely studied, however, the studies that have been completed provide some interesting insights into the condition. We have highlighted some studies in this episode. The first revealed heightened sensitivity at rest2 in the pelvic floors of women with vaginismus. If you have read our page on pelvic floor dysfunction, you will have learned that the goal of any pelvic floor training is to return the pelvic floor to an optimal resting length. It is believed3 that the heightened sensitivity experienced by women with vaginismus results in increased pelvic floor hypertonicity. This could be an indication of more fight-or-flight activity in the nervous system. This idea is somewhat bolstered by the second study4 which scanned the brains of women with vaginismus against controls without the condition. That study founds structural changes in the part of the brain responsible for anxiety and fear in the patients with vaginismus, providing the notion that vaginismus may be a fear-related condition. In my book, I explain how the brain cannot tell the difference between what you are thinking and something that is currently happening. Worrying and fearful thoughts have a tendency to place tension into the body, and in the case of vaginismus, this could be a major contributing factor to the condition. Diagnosis and Treatments Getting properly diagnosed and having your vaginismus graded is a first step in your journey towards recovery. In the lower grades, some pelvic floor relaxation, meditation and cognitive behavioural therapy can go a long way towards overcoming the condition. It can be really beneficial to undertake therapy along with your partner as this can help with trust and bonding, which in turn can help communicate a message of safety to your nervous system. In the later grades of vaginismus, dilator therapy may be suggested as an addition to the other exercises and therapies. We’ve shared an earlier article on 5 steps to overcome vaginismus, and have created pages in our knowledge portal sharing information on the condition and it’s conservative and invasive treatments. You will find a lot of information in my book and I have just opened the discounted presale of my course on overcoming vaginismus which will be released on March 18th 2022. If you have questions, jump over to our newly launched community where you will find a space specifically for vaginismus. References Pacik PT, Geletta S. Vaginismus Treatment: Clinical Trials Follow Up 241 Patients. Sex Med. 2017 Jun;5(2):e114-e123. doi: 10.1016/j.esxm.2017.02.002. Epub 2017 Mar 28. PMID: 28363809; PMCID: PMC5440634. Frasson E, Graziottin A, Priori A, Dall’ora E, Didonè G, Garbin EL, Vicentini S, Bertolasi L. Central nervous system abnormalities in vaginismus. Clin Neurophysiol. 2009 Jan;120(1):117-22. doi: 10.1016/j.clinph.2008.10.156. Epub 2008 Dec 13. PMID: 19071060. Unal, Suheyla & Soylu, Ahmet & Yılmaz, Uğur & Karlıdağ, Rifat & Özcan, Abdulcemal & BAydinc, Can. (2002). Vaginismus:Possible role of symphatetic nervous system. 10.13140/RG.2.2.16797.41443. Atmaca M, Baykara S, Ozer O, Korkmaz S, Akaslan U, Yildirim H. Hippocampus and amygdala volumes in patients with vaginismus. World J Psychiatry. 2016 Jun 22;6(2):221-5. doi: 10.5498/wjp.v6.i2.221. PMID: 27354964; PMCID: PMC4919261. Source link