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Lily Allen wasn’t always comfortable asking for what she wanted in bed. In a new interview with The Times, the singer said she focused on keeping her partner happy rather than considering her own needs.
“My priority has been to make sure I don’t get rejected or abandoned,” she said. “Therefore, I’m prioritizing my partner’s enjoyment because the first thing I’m protecting is my safety.”
Allen’s comments come as she launches a new collection with Lovehoney, which includes a cute peach-shaped clitoral stimulator, a heart-shaped dual clitoral and licking stimulator, and of course, her take on the famous Womanizer toy.
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When it comes to sex, Allen said learning what she enjoys has helped her feel more comfortable asking for it — and she hopes talking about it will encourage other women to do the same.
Lovehoney Lily Allen Heart Duo Clitoral Suction and Licking Stimulator
Why Allen Put Her Partners’ Pleasure First
“I grew up feeling that I was a vehicle for male pleasure,” Allen told The Times. “I never really considered my own needs.” For her, keeping a partner satisfied was tied to wanting to feel secure in the relationship, not necessarily enjoying herself.
Allen also talked about how easily women can put their own desires last. “We don’t always prioritize our own desires because we focus on pleasing others, doing our jobs properly and looking after our friends and family,” she said in a press release shared with SheKnows. “We can forget that listening to what our body needs is just as important.”
Speaking up wasn’t always easy for her, either. “I think women in particular can find it difficult to ask for what they want. When I was younger, I know I did,” she said. It’s something she wants to make less awkward to discuss, especially when the conversation is about self-pleasure.
Lily Allen Womanizer Enhance Black Pleasure Air Clitoral Vibrator
Learning What She Likes Has Helped Her Ask for It
Allen said learning what she likes has made it easier to tell a partner what she wants.
“For me, toys can help you to better understand your body and learn what you like,” she said in the Lovehoney press release. “I’ve been able to use that knowledge to express what I want in my relationships, which is empowering. And I hope this collection helps others feel similarly.”
Allen told The Times that introducing toys with partners hadn’t always gone over well. But she’s no longer willing to give up something she enjoys to keep someone else comfortable.
“I haven’t stuck around with [them] because I find [toys] really helpful, really fun,” she said. “It makes the whole thing a lot more enjoyable for me. If it makes it less enjoyable for him, he can move on.”
Lily Allen Womanizer Peach Toy Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator
Allen first collaborated with Lovehoney in 2020. In the press release, she said people still tell her what a difference it made — and they’re not talking about her music.
“Instinctively, I think they’re going to be talking about my music, but they’re actually talking about the toys,” she said. “Thankfully, people seem a little more comfortable now, but we still need to nudge that conversation along some more — it can only ever be a good thing not to feel shame about our own bodies.”
For Allen, her own pleasure deserves time, too. “It’s not a selfish thing to do. It’s self-care — there’s no shame in it,” she said. “Why should we deny ourselves enjoyment and the confidence that can come from that?”
